About Dr. Talia
I earned my degree in Clinical Psychology at the age of 25. I worked with couples and found myself moving towards breaking them up rather then helping them to stay together. I didn't understand my propensity towards dis-union until I reflected back at my life in preparation for this journey I am about to embark on with you and found that I was born without the ability to bullshit myself which has made it very hard to understand or value coupling.
To quote a fellow revolutionary, Henry David Thoreau, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and die with their song still inside them." To me, relationships seemed like vacuums for time and dreams and potential. I saw people emerging from couples as if having been given new life, or ruined at the loss of an imagined perfect future. The illusion being that if that future had not come to an untimely end, it would have revealed itself to be the mirage of monogamy - a devastating realization for most of humanity that marriage and families do not necessarily mean happiness.
I am actually a romantic at heart and have felt completely monogamous towards people in the past, but for one reason or another it wanes, and that is natural. We are not meant to force anything in this lifetime, least of all our sexuality. Our sexuality is a compass in the storm of life, leading us always to more favorable waters. My sexuality is the same as my passion - and that passion guides me to pursue that which I feel drawn to, and learn through trial and error what is real desire ("De-sire" literally translates to mean "of the father" in latin) and what is a manifestation of us running from ourselves.
If you chase sex and new partners and are never satisfied, and judge yourself a bit for your actions, you are running away from something. If you find it fun and a nice compliment to your life, and feel no guilt, then you are simply chasing your good and stimulating your passion center.
At a young age I remember feeling different sexually. I remember wanting to masterbate all the time and being frustrated at not being able to find places to do so when my body desired it. I remember being turned on by the first kiss I had as a Freshman in High School and how wet I got from it and how my body ached for more. I remember the first time I gave a boy a blow job and the power I felt being able to provide so much pleasure to someone with such little effort. I remember the first boy who tried to date me and that, not matter how hard I tried to be a girlfriend - make out with him on command, hold hands as we walked into the cafeteria together, spend all of our free time together - it all just felt wrong. He was one of the cutest guys at my school, desired by many, and I had a crush on him for months before we eve n kissed, but the formality and presumptions around the behaviors of a relationship always left me feeling...odd. Eventually I started acting out - like a stereotypical female - making problems where there were none, because I didn't want to be in the relationship because it felt odd, but I didn't not want to be with him, so I pushed him away so to speak. Made him break up with me so there was a reason but I couldn't make sense of my reaction to having one of the most sought after guys in school interested in me, yet not wanting to date him.
That was the beginning. From then on I did what I wanted when I wanted, where I wanted, with whomever I wanted. I always practiced safe sex (thanks Mom for bringing me to Planned Parenthood as soon as you knew I was active! - Love that place!!!!), and I always trusted my gut and instinct on people. I have tried dating again since sophomore year of high school and the men I tried with were always "perfect," which is why I tried. They were driven, smart, good looking, interesting, philanthropic, etc. But for me, coupling always felt like slow death. To commit a part of most days to another human being not necessarily because I genuinely wanted to be with them, versus with someone else in friendship, or for business, etc., never made sense to me.
Eventually I realized that I was not alone in this, and that most people felt odd in relationships and even more off in marriage, but that they didn't think there were other options. They got married and would do what most people do - girls night out and flirt a little to "feel alive" or not like a "boring mom" (these women were like 24-26 mind you - so sad), or the men would travel for business and take up extracurricular behavior while on the road to spark their engines.
Do people simply like having multiple lives and personas? Do we enjoy freedom AND monogamy? Is that ok? YES, YES and YES!!!! It is ALL ok and good and right and fine, so long as you don't take other people along for a ride on a decade long rollercoaster you aren't even on.
The purpose of this mission and revolution is not sexual in nature it is about freedom. It is about asking yourself what do I really want - who am I really? And then finding the words to share that with your partner, current or future. It is about creating a world that nurtures who you are and what makes you happy, and trusting the spirit, God, Universe - whatever you call her - wouldn't give you an insanely intense drive that was not meant for a higher good. Children are not the only purpose of our sexuality. If you hide it under a bushel and suppress it, or act upon it at will but feel guilty, you suppress your strongest god given compass towards your good. Your sexuality and your spirituality are intimately connected - and everything else good comes from that.